JUST MAYBE

Watching her from up here is a fulfilling yet sad thing for me. I regret to have left her. I fought, yes I did. I loved her. Need I say more?

The first time I laid eyes on her, I was crazy about her. The way she does everything she does?it keeps me alive. It made me love school and made me look forward to each and everyday. The feeling was intense. So, I, talked to her. And shook hands with her. Haha, that was memorable. Her smile was worth two A?s in Math! Anyway, I found ways to get to know her. Everyday, we leave school together and head to the nearest arcade. That was one thing both of us loved. And afterwards we grab a smoothie. This thing went on for weeks and finally I mustered enough courage to tell her how I felt about her.

She must?ve thought it was a joke coz I told her that if I win one single game, ?I love her? was about to surface. She just laughed. She was so game.

I won.
I hugged her and she said, ?Whoa, what are you doing??
I touched her hair and said, ?I love you..?
She pulled back and looked at her watch. It was almost 9. We?ve gotta go home.
So I walked her home and surprisingly, we were so quiet.

Then, she looked at me?studying me. Or so, I thought. I didn?t bother to look at her too coz I was too shy at that moment. Her eyes lingered at mine for a moment and she sighed.

Yes, maybe it was just a nanosecond; but I knew something was in her eyes.

When she got home, she thanked me and I went home myself. Ugh, I hate doing chores. At home, I do chores; because I?m not living with my family. They just pay for my schooling and in return I do chores for them. And afterwards, I have to study. Life so damn boring. And depressing.

But when I?m with her, I see a rainbow. The stars are in her eyes and the sun is in her smile. Maybe she likes me too. For whatever reason would she agree to be with me EVERYDAY? Haha?I?m being too optimistic again. I don?t have money, a car, and my studies are going down the drain.

The next day, she drove me to my house. I was drunk. She borrowed her father?s car to make sure I?d be home safe. That was so sweet of her. Maybe she likes me too. Just maybe.

?Why?d you drink?? she asked.
?Coz I want to?...?
?Why?d you want to??
?Coz I feel like doing it!?

Silence.

?Vanessa, I love you.?
?Sure??
?Yeah?ever since.?
?Why didn?t you tell me before??
?Coz I don?t want to..?
?Why??
?Coz that?s why!?

I was so wasted.

And again, she gave me ?the look?. God, I loved her so much. I felt like the feeling was enfolding me, streaming through me, ready for the taking. I felt guilty, shouting at her.

She was crying.
Damn, she was crying.
?Things are harder that you think, Kyle.?

Seeing her cry breaks my heart. I wanted to wipe those tears and watch sunsets with her and hug her tight all night. I wanted to change the state of the universe, I wanted to always see her happy. Always.

Maybe someday she?ll be mine. Just maybe.

Faster than the speed of light, the car hit a tree and bang! We lost consciousness. I told myself that if I?m gonna die, at least it?s beside that person who?s been the reason of my nominal existence?but I wanted her to live.

When the medics came, I regained consciousness. I told them, ?If my heart still beats, please give it to her?it?s hers from the start.?

They thought I was a fool. So, when we were transferred to the ICU, I heard doctors talking.

Vanessa?s heart was so weak. That?s why when she cried, it made her faint. Until now, she was struggling to live. And I was in good condition. It killed me watching her that way. So I called the doctors and asked for a pen and paper. They gave me what I needed. I wrote this on the paper:

?I love this girl beside me so much. I regret to live without her. But it kills me to see her die. I will unplug the oxygen tank. The moment I lose air, I?ll die. But if before 6 minutes---maybe 5 mins.---you?d come, my heart still beats. PLEASE GIVE IT TO HER.
I?ll ring the bell after four minutes of no oxygen.
Thank you.

PS And please, tell her I love her. Please.?

My plan was perfect. The doctors had no choice. I can?t be revived. My soul separated from my body. I sacrificed so I?m up here?watching her.

Seeing her smile again makes me feel contented, so not-wanting-more.

I didn?t wish for anything complicated, like her, loving me back.

I can see she?s happy now.

But of course, I still long to be with her. maybe we could still share smiles together, maybe she?ll still crave for arcade whenever?and maybe---just maybe--- she?d be here and be with me forever.
"This was written by one of my buddies in pinoy forum"