“It was just a simple revenge. It is no big deal. I am just planning to give him the taste of his own bitter medicine and besides, he had it all coming to himself. “
Those were the lines that kept bouncing on my head when I devised a not-so-diabolical-plan-of-mine against my 2-year boyfriend 5 months ago. He’s benevolent, sweet, sharp and romantic—everything a girl can ask for. I know I must have been stupid to plan all of these against him. Actually, I just want him to know how it hurts me a great deal when he dated his ex-girl friend and phone me afterwards to tell all the details of their date. Am I acting like a jealous wife or something but it really hurts me. Those were the days when I felt there is something wrong with me or maybe I did something to deserve his evil treatment.
He said it was just a friendly date but who cares, it was still a date! And for my not-so-diabolical-plan that I devised to give him a blow on his face, or to let him savor the taste of his own wrongdoings—find a guy, date him, enjoy the time, let my boyfriend enjoy the agony of not knowing where his girlfriend is when they have to meet at that time, phone him a couple of hours after triggering a manhunt and alas, drop the bomb—say every detail of the planned date. After that, enjoy the victory and feel how revenge is sweet!
That was all well planned out. My planned was nothing but perfect and it is sure to hit my target. Everything will all be normal after the plan if I not met this guy. He was the guy I am planning to use. Yes, I know—call me evil or bitch but you cannot blame me. To every bitch, there is always a man behind it that made her that way. So back with my plan, I dated my regular chatmate. I have never seen him before our actual meeting and I do not know what he looks like—not even a single idea. Why I chose to use him? Do not ask me because I really do not know the answer to that! All I know is that he is a fun chatter, faithful to his friends and a very interesting but reserve person. At first, I was hesitant to use him for the reason that he is really a sincere guy and we have been chatmates for quite sometime. Every hour of chat with him is like having daddy-long-legs to share all your secrets with, confide all your problems to, and best of all, just have a friend.
However, being a bitch myself, I went with the plan. We agreed to meet at the mall. He is uncertain at first and tried to text me million reasons to go away with the date but after a long bidding and convincing, he still managed to come and meet me. He is a cute-chinito-guy with a smile that can melt even the heart of a stone. He is timid but with a very deep personality. He is not one of those guys who always laugh at even the none essential stuffs or guys who love to dress differently for deviation purposes. I have to be honest with myself, the hours I spend with him was all but fun, so much fun that I had lost track of time. We have been together from 2pm up to 7pm; we just talked like there’s no tomorrow left for us. In that short period, I have number of laughs I never had for a long time. I must have really enjoyed my time with him. I really do not understand myself but I forgot all my problems and my sinister plot in that single space in time. It is plain and simple—he is a prince I never had!
Sadly and against my will, I had to go back to reality and carry on with my plans. When I opened my phone, my boyfriend went ballistic and went screaming. He was really mad—no, he was angry or the superlative connotation of that! When I went home, he was waiting at our sala and boy, imagine the look on his face—it was really scary. With lesser anticipation as compare with before, I dropped the bomb—I told him that while he was having a manhunt for me, I was out with another man on a date. With that look on his face as he sat back on his chair, I sensed my victory and celebrated his defeat but inside I do not want to continue further. I am not used to hurting people; I cannot go on with that so I broke with him.
Back with my chatmate, I felt so guilty of what I did to him and to our new-found-friendship. To add up to my weight—he asked me out but this time he seemed very interested. He knew I had a boyfriend that time but I guess both of us had that feeling of mutual friendship. I hesitated at first but there is no reason I should not go out with him. Time went on with series of friendship dates that turned to getting-to-know-each-other type of dating. He even introduced me to his friends. I admit I really enjoyed his company and much to my enjoyment, I was thinking over our situation and envisioning what it would be like if he was my boyfriend and all that stuff.
Crazy me to think about all those stuffs when I just broke with my ex-boyfriend. Slap me on my face to send me to reality but that was it. There is no reason I cannot love this person—he is everything I can wish for. To describe this guy, he is a wolf with his pack or whenever he around with his friend but when he is all alone, he is a puppy yearning for love and belongingness. Though he is fierce in DOTA battles or whatever his games are, he has this simple heart of a child.
There is this subtle part inside him I am afraid to touch, afraid that I will just taint it with the evilness I had. He is a portrait of a goodness I never had, a path I am afraid to course, and a dream I am afraid to follow.
Some people may think I cannot love this guy because I do not have a heart to give. I apologize for disappointing them but I am afraid I already did. I am afraid I do love this prince. Yes it is in your part if you want to believe or not, but a bitch like me can also feel how it is to be afraid. I am afraid that one day someday, I will just wake up in this delicate reality that no one—even this prince—can love a heartless bitch that I am.